Love or Loneliness?

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"If you don't learn to love being alone, will you ever really know if you're choosing someone out of love or loneliness?"

Probably one of the greatest questions I've ever heard in my life and I wish I knew who originally said it because 1) they've made me appear so wise on countless occasions and 2) they really helped me sum up in one sentence what the past year has been about for me. Is this post really coincidentally time? Yes, yes it is. I wanted to talk about this today because I know there will be so many people going through what myself and my girls (and millions of other people throughout the years) have all gone through...

 

 

"OMGGGG I'm gonna be alone forever looool."

 

"FML I hate being single I NEED someone to come for breakfasts with me and do cute couple things."

 

"Urgh Valentines day sucks it just makes me think about my last Valentines day when I was so happy with X"

 

Sound familiar? (first one's past me btw) Examples obviously get way deeper and more emotional than this but today we're keeping it light. Yes Valentines day sucks sometimes. Instagram is littered with couple pics, engagement annoucements, wedding throwbacks and snaps of peoples gifts. It's a lot, and especially if your break up is fresh it can feel like too much. But the reality is, it's just a day, and one day you too will join the club of disgustingly adorable couples that make the rest of us want to vom once again. Be patient with yourself and take today slow, knowing it's just another day and that tomorrow Sarah from marketing who's being really OTT about her engagement on instagram today will go back to arguing with her boyfriend about the fact that he leaves his toe nail clippings on the bedside table just like every other day... I know. Ew. I wish I could say that's a completely made up example that I've never experienced but... nope.

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Valentines, GALentines, PALentines, they're all great. A celebration of relationships. It can be really beautiful if you allow it to be. But nothing is as important as the relationship you have with yourself, and that should also be celebrated.

Learning to be alone takes time, but ultimately is so worth the investment for our own personal growth. It strengthens our understanding of ourselves and our relationship with ourselves, but it also makes the relationships around us, and our future relationships healthier too. Being comfortable in your own company, more sure of yourself and being able to take care of yourself emotionally takes the strain off of our relationships, giving them a chance to feel lighter and healthier.

So celebrate your single life today, and toast to your own personal growth, see friends, watch Legally Blonde and eat ice cream (paying particular attention to the end part where she fobs Warner off) and have fun today, and the next day and the next day. Take each one as it comes. Knowing that things get easier and that in the grand scheme of your life, spending a little time alone and learning to love your own company is so worth it. Because one day when the next valentines day comes around and you have someone to share it with, it will feel that much more special.

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9 Comments

  1. Sara
    14 Feb 2019 / 7:00 pm

    Great post, I absolutely agree with you, being able to enjoy your company and feel good being with yourself and your own thoughts is a wonderful thing, sometimes in relationships we forget that we too need our love and generosity, something I’ve really enjoyed giving myself since becoming single, thanks for the reminder! X

  2. 14 Feb 2019 / 8:07 pm

    I totally agree! I have been in a relationship for 7 years and a half now. Married for six months. Before this I was the friend that was “always single”. Had a couple of boyfriends that never lasted long enough to go through a Valentine’s day together so all this Valentine’s Day crap made me go nuts and continuously think that there was no one there for me. It was when I stopped caring and started enjoying my life as a single gal and when I enjoyed my own company than things then started to change.
    And still now, being together, I LOVE having “me” time and time with my friends. It is also so easy to disconnect from your friends when you get into a new relationship – but that’s a whole other subject.
    My mum always said “what life has for you, no one can’t take it away. It will happen when the time is right”. And damn, she was soooo right about that.

    xx Lisa.

    www.thelisasworld.com

  3. 14 Feb 2019 / 9:44 pm

    Wonderful post! Celebrate all the love you have in your life.

    http://a-woman-of-a-certain-age.com/

  4. 14 Feb 2019 / 10:09 pm

    Amazing post so inspiring

    http://Fatima8450.blogspot.com

  5. 15 Feb 2019 / 1:31 pm

    Beautiful post!

  6. 15 Feb 2019 / 4:53 pm

    Love this! I totally agree. So many people wallow about being by themselves without really realizing that it’s the most important thing; you need to be comfortable with yourself and being by yourself before you can be happy in a relationship. Very wise words!

    – Georgia | thestatesofgeorgia.com

  7. 15 Feb 2019 / 8:40 pm

    Awww, I absolutely love this post! Loving yourself and being able to be comfortable in your own company is so so so important. I adore my husband and enjoy being married, but I still really value the time I get to spend by myself.

    www.lifeslittlemusings.com

  8. 16 Feb 2019 / 3:00 pm

    I LOVE the quote!! I feel like as soon as you learn to love yourself and are content with being alone someone comes along, that was the case with me anyway. I could read this over and over x

    Alexandra | www.thelifestyedit.com

  9. Bridget
    18 Feb 2019 / 12:26 pm

    I always try to tell my girl friends this but you say it much better! I loved this post, as your right i was with someone for 10 years and I need to find out what I wanted first before i could be happy with someone else. Now I’m so happy with everything and not just my amazing man but also (most important) my new little puppy .

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