How I’m actually finding being single…

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I've wanted to write this post for a long time, but my fear of being branded as "that single blogger" and temporary inability to discuss my feelings (2018 was a frickin riot) put this on the back burner. But after a year and a half I'm ready. So let's get straight to it: I hate being asked if I'm seeing someone, I hate being asked about dates, marriage, children. But the act of being single - that I don't completely recoil at the mere mention of. Relationships are hard, dating is hard, but spending time with me, myself and I? Not so much...

My absolute highlight of being single? Picking my own apartment for the first time. I'd moved out for the first time with someone and had always had to compromise and come to an agreement on pricing, location, decor etc. I am aware it's often a total luxury to live alone and for me that's why it is so exciting. Picking a whole space that was truly mine, was the most empowering experience. There wasn't a single person who didn't walk in to my new place and say either "it feels RIGHT" or "this is youuuu" and that was the first time in five years I've heard that. Being loud and annoying with my friends without sending someone else in to a seething mess is up the top of my pro's list too. I wake up every morning, no arguments, no one hogging the bathroom, a clean open space. It's unreal. It's peaceful.

Let's talk about that... peace. I'm not just talking about physically peaceful, I'm talking about mentally and emotionally, like deep down in my SOUL level peaceful. I found once I learnt to be alone and comfortable in my own company, and the longer I spend doing this, the more in tune I am with other people in my life and the energy they bring with them. I would love to know if anyone else experiences it because sometimes I read this back and it sounds mad but feels so real.

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Whilst the living alone is fab and I'm so over the moon to be more in tune with my intuition - not to mention 100 x more productive work-wise - one of the downsides is that things can get a little lonely sometimes. Especially if you don't have a huge circle of friends, or are known for being "the strong one" of you friendship group. It's not a natural instinct to check in on people when they're known for not needing support regularly, so communication between you and your loved ones is key. Even if your terrible at emotional communication and all they get to begin with is a brief "SOS I AM NOT OKAY" on a Wednesday night.

This coupled with the odd terrible first date - complete with invasive questions "how much do you earn?"/"your rent must be a lot?" (YUPPPP) - and relationships that last five minutes or end in stalking (again yessss) , can leave you lying in bed over thinking at 1am: "Do I drive them crazy or were they already crazy?"... a novel by Suzie Bonaldi. Sometimes it can be a little bit overwhelming. Especially when it often feels like the entire world wants to see you date successfully/move on with someone new. OH THAT'S ANOTHER THINGGGG - it's like you being single makes other people sad - does anyone experience this? I would love to know! (Fortunately, my mother - aka the only person who's opinion vaguely matters to me - is a huge advocate of me being single. In fact I think she once might have hinted she likes me better single. Thanks mom. luv yew.)

I hate talking about the downsides, but wanted to give you a balanced overview of how I've actually found being single after being in a relationship for more than a decade. Ultimately, I love it. It would take someone really special for me to change it.  Not having some hilarious anecdote for my friends every week would be something I'd miss, and the day I have to clear a draw for someone might kill me (BUT WHEREEEEE WILL THE CLOTHES GO?!?).

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'm still figuring this whole thing out, being alone, dating, relationships and everything in between. With every relationship I get a little better at it, so with things looking up like this, expect a save the date for my pending nuptials... roughly around December 2035.

P.S Dear any future boyfriends that may find this post in like 5 years and think I'm a freak - oh who am I kidding they'll already know that -  dude, just remember who cleared out a drawer for you (unless I haven't done that yet... in that case #notsorry).

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14 Comments

  1. 20 Jun 2019 / 7:19 am

    Amazing post, thanks for being so open! And I absolutely agree with the statement in your first paragraph: in fact, it is true that you are only able to really get in tune with people, reeaaally care about someone and also love someone, if you completely and honestly love and (above all) understand yourself!
    xx Janine
    https://walkinmysneaks.blogspot.com

  2. Lisa Autumn
    20 Jun 2019 / 10:25 am

    You go girl! I love this post. You can only love someone else if you are in tune with yourself and your own feelings. So true..

    x Lisa | lisaautumn.com

  3. Sarah
    20 Jun 2019 / 1:23 pm

    This echoes my experience as single down to every detail! I’ve been single for the last eight years. And to be honest it’s not that I don’t want a relationship – I’m just comfortable with the way my life is. I don’t have to consider anyone else in my decisions and planning. But I do feel lonely at times. Especially now that all my girlfriends are in relationships, they’re getting married and having kids. And I’m over here with my pug just watching. But again, I’m comfortable with being alone. Maybe too comfortable?

  4. 20 Jun 2019 / 1:45 pm

    Love this post, thanks so much for sharing and love the imagery as well. You look stunning as always 🙂

  5. Jess
    20 Jun 2019 / 4:35 pm

    YES! I love this post so much. I’m single because I want to be selfish and work on myself but it can be lonely. Swings and roundabouts.

    xoxo
    Jess
    The Crown Wings | UK Travel & Lifestyle Blog

  6. 22 Jun 2019 / 9:12 pm

    I loved this post so much Suzie! I’ve never really been properly single and I do wonder what it’d be like and I can totally see that it’d be liberating, especially with moving into your own place and literally making it YOUR own! You go gal, killing the game!

    Lucy | Forever September

  7. 23 Jun 2019 / 9:05 am

    This post is the kind which I needed to read, thank you Suzie!

    Yasmina | The July Journal

  8. Chloé
    23 Jun 2019 / 12:12 pm

    Love this. I’m single too and I love it! The best part is getting to know yourself and focus on yourself and what you want out of life. I understand the peace aspect you were talking about. And I also understand the fact that you can better accept people for who they are. I think because we can better accept who we are when we dont have someone questionning it lol. xx

  9. 23 Jun 2019 / 12:31 pm

    OBSESSED! This could not have come at a better time for me – I love hearing how easy you find being with yourself because that’s something I struggle with and although I’m not single, I am in a long distance relationship (like, my boyfriends going to CHINA!) and so learning to love being by myself is something I need to do! You are such an inspiration to me and I can’t thank you enough! Much love Suz! X

  10. Bunny
    23 Jun 2019 / 1:08 pm

    I so agree on the fact on finding your own new space for yourself!!!! I did that 4 weeks ago. I loved in one week ago. Its so nice that you yourself agree to it. Feel comfortable and happy!! I smile when I walk into my little apartment!! I hope you have the same babe. And keep rocking!!

    And yes. I am dating some one.
    But its amazing to have your own space. And people should be happy with you.
    Doesn’t matter if you date or not date. Married or want to have kids. Sometimes I’m afraid because most of us do it all together… I should do too… But nope.

    Keep going!!
    Your amazing and and inspiration

  11. 23 Jun 2019 / 4:06 pm

    Ive been single for a while and i struggle with it. I feel like being single used to be cool, now it is “sad” …because how can you be single in a world likes this where a one night stand who might be your prince charming is only one swipe away…..
    I think being single is great and teaches you alot. Sadly when you get a certain age.. people wonder if there is something wrong with your because youre 30 and should be starting s family…

    🖐🏻to all the single ladies…. it is okay.

  12. Sam
    23 Jun 2019 / 9:49 pm

    Love this!! Especially since I have been in the same boat for 1.5 years. Got my own flat for the first time since the last one was with an ex. My own mental, emotional and physical space and everything you say resonates with me! Hi5 sister and here’s to a great single life and a great person good enough to change that 💕

  13. mona nakamura
    24 Jun 2019 / 3:11 am

    Same! When I have a lot of alone time, I’m more focus and present when I hang out with people. I don’t think
    this is crazy, My energy are recharged after spending
    time alone and guess that helps afterwards with the social
    life.

    So many things you said was so relatable to me!
    friends and boy friends.
    My friends are very independent and they rarely need me.lol One friend I only hear from her in new years and
    my birthday, and the other one I don’t hear from her at all
    unless I contact her. lol ( I’m not sure if we are still friends?? lol) And for me I need more consistentcy with
    friends. Guess that’s why I love youtube and instagram.
    It’s like hearing from your friends several times in a day.
    I want to know what you guys are up too, alive and safe,
    are you guys ok etc. I’m a stay at home wife (with no kids) and I moved to another state when I got married,
    hence I don’t have any friends near by and no chance to
    meet because I’m not working.

    Staying at home 24/7 mostly by yourself can be quite
    isolating and disconnected. Social media has helped
    me to feel less alone so I’m really grateful that people like
    you exist. Thank you.

    And with boy friends, I met guys either they are narcisstic, abusive, or stalker. Actually many guys
    turned into stalkers and I wondered is it me who’s
    attracting these men. There’re still man stalking me
    online and real life. ( p.s’ My stalker is a hacker, if any
    thing weired ( such as receiving mean hateful comments
    from me) happens please let me know. The stalker might be messing around.

    Oh boy. Relationships are hard but when you put the time
    and energy and effort into the right person, I believe it would turned out great! And you’ll find a great partner
    because you’re great! Actually I’m jealous of the guy who
    will have you! He’s such a lucky man!

    p.s.

    The part about the drawers was so funny I love it!!

    Have a nice day sweetie!

  14. 25 Jun 2019 / 9:11 am

    LOVED this post Suzie and yep, I can relate. I can especially relate to what you were saying about how when you’re single, even if you’re completely ok with it (and enjoy being single), people are sad for you. It’s so weird! It puts all the emphasis on happiness as something that comes from another person too which I just find ridiculous.

    Julia // The Sunday Mode

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